I Dream of Favelas

I am an emotional mess. They get the best of me. But over time I've learned to love my emotions, especially when I give them to God and I share them because they lead my train of thinking deeper into Him and His vision. My night began with me crying out to God about a dream lost and God lead me to a dream yet,but about to be, found. A dream I had cried over before and had therefore I resolved myself to wait in patience until the time would come that this dream for traveling to beautiful places would become real.

I am praying about going to Brazil this summer for 3 months. I have contacted a group in Fortaleza. Although I have felt at peace to join this group for about a week now, I asked God why, why this group?

I have never been to Fortaleza or learned much about it. I don't know if it's anything compared to its rival cities, Rio de Janiero or Sao Paulo. I've dreamt about these places for the last year but not just the cities themselves, in all their grandeur and tropical prestige that line the blue oceans where the wealthy flock. I dream of their majestic and rebellious favelas.

What a vision to see these shanty towns in all their colors,shapes, and sizes, stacked one on top of the other. It's as if I were to explore a real life masterpiece; a poor man's Sistine Chapel, made up of cardboard boxes and scraps of metal, that serve as a refuge and a resting place for the weary. Built with hands that didn't understand how to construct a home in the first place but now it's where family is raised and dramas unfold. I've created these slums into somewhat of a dysfunctional fairytale in my mind. Where culture is born, music fills the beat of the day, children play hide and seek around corners and in stray allies and where today is all one gets. Today---a challenge I have yet to accomplish in a future driven country. Not only do I believe these communities to be majestic but I find favelas comical. In my vision (of future me in Brazil), I look up and see a tangle of telephone and internet lines running through the skies connecting one shack to another. Each line is pulled from here and there and you don't know where they begin and where they end; like traffic in a great city that runs a muck yet somehow, some way, information and connections get to where they were going. I try my best to be as resourceful as I can and so I applaud such a trait, even if it is illegal.
 A favela's beauty was born from the mess, holding people who own little to nothing. Whom struggle to be functional human beings in a society that makes the odds against them quite substantial, even dangerous, yet they wake up and seize the day with an energy very unique to these regions and the people within.

My heart for them, is to show them that they don't have to survive. That in no way am I glorifying their conditions or saying their life is easy because it's most definitely not. I long to see them have some of the same opportunities that I had growing up. To see them be able to read a book or a story; I want to see their eyes light up and feel their hearts race when they've finished a tale that mirrors their own. The opportunity to develop their leadership, that only they can provide for this world that so desperately needs it. For children who need more laughter because you can never have too much and God knows that I long to laugh with them. To show them that the world is at their fingertips because Christ made that possible on Calvary hill, in a city thousands of miles away from them. To reveal that sacred moment of sacrifice and love that seeks to capture them and save their lives eternally. To know that I can do none of this if I don't show them honest, pure Love, is such a sweet challenge I wish to adhere too. If that means holding uncleaned bodies, kissing muddy faces and holding broken hands, than I couldn't ask for anything better to do with my time.

I'm a junky for broken. Not so I can fix them but so I can walk with them. I know that God is near to the broken and his glory comes in their redemption. I come from broken and I wouldn't ever change that because God's ruined my life for love through it all.

Nevertheless, I leave you with an unfinished thought because I don't know Brazil or its people. Not intimately at least. I know the land by books, others experiences and through my own daydreams. One day this country will be tangible to me and then I'll let you in on a dream come true. Until then I pray one thing for not only these people but for a world that I am so terribly fascinated by...


 When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Holy Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. 
Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.
-Ephesians 3

Waste Exploitation (Pick a Cause)

This summer I was taking a sociology class at the University of Oklahoma. The focus is race/ethnic minorities in America. Some of the articles that I have read have completely opened my eyes to how much we are still very prejudiced in America. It happens in very subtle ways, from personal prejudice all the way to global exploitation of developing countries. The article that I have recently read is by Robert D. Bullard called "Environmental Justice in the 21st Century: Race Still Matters". In this article Robert talks about the environment and how it greatly correlates with race. This is called, institutional racism, which describes any system of inequality based on race. The institution that this article focuses on is housing and waste. I will give you a few facts on the inequality housing and environments that race minorities such as Hispanic and African Americans experience in America. This information was collected by The Commission for Racial Justice's landmark Toxic Waste and Race study.

"(1) Three out of five African American's live in communities with abandoned toxic waste sites; (2) sixty percent of African Americans (15 million) live in communities with abandoned toxic waste sites; (3) three of the five largest commercial hazardous waste landfills are located in predominantly African American or Latino communities and accounts for 40 percent of the nation's total estimated landfill capacity; and (4) African Americas are heavily overrepresented in the population of cities with the largest number of abandoned toxic waste sites, which include Memphis, St. Louis, Houston, Cleveland, Chicago and Atlanta" (Bullard 190).

Is it a coincidence, that these two races live in high populations near dump sites? Actually no it's not. According to Bullard, environmental racism is a very real thing that is supported by all levels of authority in the United States. "Environmental racism is reinforced by government  legal, economic, political, and military institutions"(Bullard 190). In another article I read by Douglas S. Massey, he speaks about residential segregation and how ethnic minorities are more likely to be given the run around when it comes to purchasing a home within White communities that tend to have better housing. A few examples are being told that a house has just been sold or rented, when in fact it hasn't; shown houses in predominately black or mixed areas, away from White neighborhoods; they may be quoted higher rent or selling prices than Whites; their phone number may be taken but no one ever calls them; they may have been treated discourteously or brusquely in hopes that they will not return. Whatever the reason, and their are many more. It leads blacks to poorer quality of housing near dump sites that have strategically placed themselves near ethnically mixed or minority communities. These dump sites have caused higher health problems in African-Americans compared to Whites, "In 1988, the Federal Agency for Toxic Substances Disease REgistry found that for families earning less than $6,00, 68 percent of African-America children had lead poisoning compared to 36 percent of white children" (Bullard 192). Asthma is another leading health problem in children of race, " The annual age-adjusted death rate from asthma increased

On a global level I was even more appalled at what I read in the article by Bullard. Bullard quotes a memorandum by Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Ban in 1991, that leaked and turned to an international scandal after Summer's wrote, " Dirty' Industries: Just between you and me, shouldn't the World Bank be encouraging MORE migration of dirty industries to the LDC's (least developed countires)" (Bullard 193). Shipping waste from rich communities has been the solution in many cases.

 My question is, who has turned a blind and prevented such methods from being illegal? Who do we hold responsible for letting this happen to nations that struggle day in and day out to get on their feet? The Basel Ban Amendment is an agreement by most countries in Europe not to export waste to developing countries, and agreement that America has not signed. The Electronic Takes Back Coalition, has a Q and A report that gives many answers on exporting in relation to laws and government that you can find at this website, http://www.electronicstakeback.com/wp-content/uploads/Q_and_A_on_Exporting_Issues. It gives account of Chinese and African cheap labor and communities that experience severe health risks and exploitation because of wast exportation.

It is disheartening to know that this is happening to people in our country and all across the globe. Especially in a nation that prides itself on equal treatment to all people. Where the American dream is a notion that only a select few are able to obtain. So wherever you find yourself in the world, it's important to choose a cause that hits your heart and compels you into action, big and/or small. Many of us do not follow the tug at our hearts that says "something should be done about this." It is life-giving to serve the weak and helpless, to pursue justice for those whose voice has been silenced. As a college student who is about to graduate in a year and be released into the real world, with knowledge and passion that I have been blessed with, I am looking for that cause. Serving others is essential to our emotional, mental and spiritual well-being. I dare you to begin with serving someone in need (at home, work, school, etc) for a month or longer; to put aside your needs and wants for the cause of others and experience a joy and love that's not found among fame, riches or success.


Sources
Image 1: Recent findings by EJRC indicate that minority communities are receiving most of the landfill-directed waste oil from the BP Oil disaster.
http://environmentaljusticeblog.blogspot.com/2010_08_01_archive.html

Image 2: A Dutch multinational company, Trafigura, dumped about 500 tons of waste, and it lead to at least 16 deaths and more than 100,000 other victims needing medical treatment.
http://www.enviroblog.org/2008/08/taking-advantage-of-the-disadvantaged.html


Image 3: March 8, 2005 Guiyu, Guangdong, China. A child sitting on a pile of wires and electronic waste. Photo by Greenpeace/Natalie Behing
http://elawspotlight.wordpress.com/tag/e-waste/

Bullard, Robert D. "Environmental Justice in the 21st Century: Race Still Matters." Rethinking the Color 

            Line. 5th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2012. 184-94. Print.

Massey, Doulas S. "Residential Segregation and Neighbordooh Conditions in U.S. Metropolitian Areas.

            "Rethinking the Color Line. 5th ed. New York: McGraw-Hill, 2012. 158-75. Print. 

Love: A Cloud of Smoke that Descended Upon the Mountain

I normally don't write about love or relationships. It's very vulnerable place and if you know me at all that's not an easy thing for me. In this world we see different images of love from the moment we (as women, maybe men) watch our first Disney princess movie to trademark movies like the Notebook and the Titanic of undying love or love that takes a life because the heart can't go on without it. It is all very romantic and speaks directly to my daydreaming heart. Realistically these images are not what love is and I'm okay with that.

Love in REAL life, for me, has always been seen as fleeting and fickle. However, in 2012 God made plans to give me a glimpse of what His true love looks like. This revelation, though marvelous and breath-taking was something I didn't understand and it scared me.

America is plagued with divorce. People get married because the feeling of being in love guides them to essentially jump off of a cliff and they eventually find that love had fooled them into a fall of faith that never ends. So they pull the parachute and abandon the journey down because feelings no longer guide them. Until we understand that love is a verb, that is active horizontally first and then vertically, love will continue to be fickle and fleeting.

I grew up watching a broken marriage. I saw nothing else. I know I am not alone, I know there are many of us, sadly. Until recently I marked myself as a victim of such a marriage. I moved away about four years ago, so I was physically far from it and I could no longer see the affects of it except every 6 months or so for 2 weeks. However, because I kept the mentality of a victim to my parents marriage it continued to hold its grip on my life and in my relationships. Some part of me knew this but I never stayed with a boy long enough to change anything or to recognize how large this fear was in my life.

Until that relationship did come.

I get this picture of God wincing His eyebrow as he could already feel the frustration, hurt and anger that was to come as He was about to refine me in the fire. Then I see this wince break into a warm glow and a gentle smile as He also saw the end result, something I have yet to fully see.

I dated for 10 months and it was packed full of emotions of happiness and confusion, on my part. I was with a patient and loving man who was being used as an instrument of God to help me understand love. I am so very lucky :).In this relationship I believe I was loved unconditionally, however I didn't recognize this love very much, just a few minutes at a time and then logic of what I had always known cast its shadow over this beautiful Love. Every time this Love would show its face so would God because true Love (whether in a relationship, friendship or in family) doesn't present itself without Him. He would remind me how infinitely more He loved me than this imperfect boy did and it was not something I could fathom. It's as if I stood at the base of the Mount Sinai looking upon a great cloud of smoke, knowing the Lord was near and fearing that if I were to cross over I would surely be destroyed (Exodus 19). Instead I trembled.God had revealed something about Himself I had never seen but that every follower of Christ gets a revelation of time and time again. His love.

This relationship I was in, was actually a picture of my relationship with Him. To begin, I doubt God's love constantly. I fear my actions may distance Him from me or cause Him to turn his face away in shame as he looks at me and the sins I fall into. I have trouble trusting God because walking with Him is painful  at times and I often allow myself to think that He's playing a game with me instead of recognizing His goodness and trusting in His sovereignty. I want a relationship with Him in which I have control of the present and the future. Even admitting to all this unbelief is so hard, I feel like a disciple who has walked with Him for many years, knows His voice, His truth and yet I still ask Him, who are you? Are you the King that I have been waiting for? Are you the God I can trust?

It also mirrored my relationship with God because I loved every second of being in it despite my precautions. Through the good and the bad, my heart beat a little faster in it. I also knew I was with my best friend who made me laugh, who listened to me, rejoiced with me, comforted me and allowed me the freedom to do the same in my own quirky ways. I was with someone who sought me out everyday to say hello with inviting charm that wrapped my whole day in love, if I allowed it.

It did not mirror my relationship, in that no person can carry another person's world, not like God can. No person is responsible for delivering a person from fear that took root long before they came together. No person can fill my neediness; only God's hands were made to hold my neediness, no matter how big or small those needs are. A person can keep me safe to a degree but He's my only refuge in times of trouble, especially when I don't understand the fear and the frustration. It is also true that one may be able to share the burden but He is the only One who can bear the whole burden of my life and many others. He works with me and for me and causes me to understand it so that it changes me. That's how it's different. No matter who I'm with they don't hold these things, He does.

Now, I am not saying I'm all better or that I have it all figured out because I am not and I don't. God saw a girl frozen with fear even when the relationship had given her no reason to fear and His heart broke. He took action because He believed that all His children deserve relationships without fear because perfect love casts out all fear. So now, He's answering and walking me through the questions that no one else could answer about my fear and in time I will shed these scales.

Love has broken me and I imagine it will again. You see, I'm learning that you cannot love without taking the risk of being broken. Whether it's a relationship that's for forever or that's for a season you'll be broken again and again. I forget that God is full of sweet paradox's. We think that love is somehow supposed to make everything come together and that it will keep us safe, with Him it does but it's also very dangerous. It asks us to lay our lives down on the line and to risk it all. Only in this weakness can He become our everlasting strength. Only in this brokenness can we learn to love even more! God is a risky God, He doesn't EVER do things that scream comfort. This reminds me that yes, my heart aches but it only awaits its promise. And although at this time it wasn't a magnificent boy, I know that the promise that is slowly revealing itself everyday that I put my trust in Him is  going to be far greater than I could ever imagine.

Most importantly I have to remember the first love story that I was apart of and it started long before the earth was created. My life is about a love story between my Creator and I. Everything else has just been a gift.

1 John 4:7-12
 ⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.